There are times when life hurts and emotions hold us hostage. We need to untie a knot of fear, anxiety and worries. What are the benefits of talking to others about your life and problems? Talking about your problems can release pent-up feelings. Even more, discussing your problems can allow you to present them more logically. But should we share our problems with others and should we share it with everybody?
“When in pain there are companions who share it, the soul can overcome many sufferings”William Shakespeare
Who should we seek for?
Everyone, in a moment of life, has felt the need to talk to someone. These are situations in which we feel overwhelmed, moments on the edge in which emotions become tangled and cloud the mind. Sometimes, it also alter perspectives and even make it difficult to breathe. It is critically important to understand who to unravel our thoughts or emotions with. Because the truth is, we don’t get the same result with everyone, because not everyone is willing to listen to us. Even more, when we are having a tough time, there are always these “friends of benefits” who try to come to our lives and ruin everything.
Sometimes we even fail to seek support from a person close to us: a partner, a friend, a family member. A misplaced word or unnecessary advice is enough to worsen the situation or a state of mind already put to the test. To let off steam, to reveal something that belongs to us, to seek support… not all people are suitable or able to help in a task of this kind. Because, in reality, what we are looking for is more than just talking or communicating. We would like a “mirror” where we can look without feeling judged.
Our best advice is to speaking with your husband if you are married or vice versa. Talk with your best friend (not the one who met a week ago) or talk with your parents. If you can’t get out of the mental fog even this way, remember that a professional can offer a little extra support.
Tip: keep in mind that not all friends are loyal and they may leave you and narrate your whole life story to others.
I need to talk to someone: where do I start?
- Explain to the person in front of you how you feel in the present moment, in your “here and now”. Free what comes to your mind and what you feel inside.
- Don’t be ashamed if your voice gets cracked or tears come up, let them flow. Speak without fear, feel safe: expressing emotions is healthy and necessary. You will feel better.
- Explain how long you have been feeling this way.
- Try to trace it back and talk about it. Make it clear.
- Be honest. Resorting to half-truths or omitting certain aspects does not help. If you need to talk to someone it is because the time has come to release what is inside you. Drop any barrier.
- Always try to use the word “I”. It allows you to channel emotions (I feel, I fear, I believe…).
- Look your interlocutor in the eye. His closeness and his warmth will guide you with affection so that you can speak freely.
When we speak, we are able to analyze and process the difficulties. Often, however, shame and not wanting to appear weak lead us to pretend to be strong. Consequently, in the presence of others, we tend to want to show that we are well and not to complain. In addition, especially if we are angry or have, for example, a pending conversation with someone, we keep everything inside, risking to feel bad, to “explode” sooner or later and to suffer from various physical and psychological problems, such as psychosomatic disturbances, panic attacks, headaches or stomach pains.
We do this not only when we have to talk about our problems or concerns, but also when we could share our positive feelings with others. The habit of talking to others about our successes and positive stories, on the other hand, can help us increase our happiness.
What are the benefits of talking to others about your life and problems?
It helps us process problems, make more informed decisions and get to know each other better.
Talking to our friends or family allows us to rework what happened to us. A bereavement, the end of a relationship, a discussion with our employer. Telling these stories to others is different from analyzing it in our mind. It helps us to look at the problem in a different way and to find different solutions or interpretations. For this reason, if we talk and listen to the opinion of others, we are more likely to make more informed decisions. It is also a means of self-knowledge that allows us to analyze our behavior and our reactions.
It allows us to improve our social skills
Telling other people about our victories and defeats leads us to deepen the bonds of friendship. How many times has it happened to us to tell someone something about our private life and to realize that we have taken a step forward in the relationship of friendship with that person? This, of course, doesn’t mean that we don’t have to “select” people to tell about our life or that we have to exaggerate in talking about ourselves.
It is also good for others
By choosing fair and empathetic people, we will have the opportunity to be understood and to do good to others as well. On the other hand, the emotional bond with the other person will improve. In fact, we will transmit our experience and our strength or our positivity to others. In addition, as our decision-making and thinking skills increase, we have the opportunity to act more rationally and to help create a calmer social environment.
These are just some of the reasons to share your problems and moments of happiness with others. Friends and relatives can be the recipients of our words, but it can also be useful to write down what we feel. Writing, as well as the word, can be therapeutic. Having a daily diary, is very helpful. Writing letters to another person, without having to send them, or even opening a blog on the internet. In fact, all these little actions allow us to improve our lives.
Let’s make a small summary by adding something more: talking about what happens to us and worries us is positive, but why?
- You are free to tell only what you want to tell: no one can force you to totally open your heart!
- In the right circumstances and environment, no one will criticize you or be subject to prejudice (for example in a forum or in the office of a psychologist).
- It’s liberating: letting off steam is good!
- You realize that you are not alone: when we decide to open up in a specialized space, we realize that many other people have the same problems or our same fears.
- Strengthen your self-esteem: this point is closely linked to the previous one, the sense of loneliness affects self-confidence.
- Help others: telling what your problems were, about the path you are following and the improvements you are noticing, will also help others!
- You can see your problem from another perspective : this is the greatest wealth that comes from comparing with others!